Not terribly interesting, I know. However, since I haven't had time to read anything for pure entertainment since M was born, I'm pretty excited about it. I knew being a mommy was a lot of work and a lot of time. After all, I have a mom (of course), sisters, friends and coworkers with children. I failed to recognize how much work and how much time. I knew, but I didn't know.
I blame the mommies in my life (my mom, those sisters, friends and coworkers), for being so amazing and making it look easier than it is.
I'm blessed with an incredibly supportive husband, who is very engaged with M's care and yet I struggle to accomplish anything near the number of projects I did prebaby.
If I'm working, I feel guilty about not being with M. When I'm with M, I become anxious about the work not getting done. I miss conversations with friends, watching movies, volunteer activities, yoga. I am working to find balance with it all. Balance, it would seem, is elusive.
Or maybe I'm just not very good at juggling. But I can learn. And read fewer books.
So, about a week has past since I sketched out the above draft. At the time I planned to write much more interesting and creative things ... mostly about my struggles as a new mom and my admiration for all the other mommies around me whom I aspire to be more like. However, it seems finding time to write is akin to finding time to read. Therefore, I shall publish this blog entry as it is ... about 75% done ... with the intention of coming back to the topic later as a new, more interesting, better written post.
When I've had more sleep.
Love this, just as it is. Anyone who needs the empathy, will feel it and those who don't have kids will never feel it until they do. You are amazing and falling in step with all those before you who challenged themselves to be all they can be... and a parent. Quite a circus act!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Janell. I appreciate your kindness and support. I think another thing that comes into play (and I suspect you may agree) is that I also want to be the very best version of me for M's benefit ... and yet, far too often, I find myself saying "this will have to be enough for the moment". At the risk of being overly dramatic, I feel like the stakes are higher ... the kitchen needs to be cleaner, the food needs to be purer, I need to be smarter.
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