(Almost) never say never

The biggest pet peeve of my 30s were the "why are you single" and "don't you want to get married and have kids" questions.  Maybe not the questions, but the implication that I couldn't be living a happy, fulfilled life just as I was - unwed and childless.  And the pity.  Wow, the heaping helping of pity some pile on the singletons in their social circle is suffocating.

The odd thing is, many coupled people complain (a lot) about the exhaustive work of marriage and children, then seem gobsmacked that anyone choose a different life path.

I enjoyed my life as a singleton (and a Singleton).  Choosing to remain so was nothing more than simple cost/benefit analysis ... do the benefits of being in a relationship with this person outweigh the costs?   Will I get back enough to make up for what I give up?  Usually the answer was "no".  Rarely did I meet a guy I wanted to spend dinner with, let alone 30 or 40 years.

And I was/am no peach either.  I admit it, dating me was work.  And, I kinda think I'm an acquired taste.  A guy had to be willing to put in the effort and few felt being with me was worth it.  That was fine.  I didn't want to settle and I didn't want someone else to settle for me.

I developed a pat answer to the inevitable questions about my singleness.  "I'm really, really happy single.  Never say never, but I don't think I'm the marrying kind."

The more tenacious would advocate for marriage and mommyhood.  The truly brave would offer to fix me up with their neighbor, coworker, husband's golf buddy, etc.  After a few of these disastrous evenings, I established the rule.

The rule of fix ups: Everyone gets one.  Every friend/family member was allowed to set me up for one blind date.  However, they had to tell me three reasons this person and I would enjoy spending time together AND they needed to know I would deduce their opinion of me based on the person they imagined me partnered with.

Implementation of the rule was golden and eliminated 99 percent of "I know this guy ..." conversations.  If you too are plagued with loved ones that feel the need to get all Yenta on you, I highly recommend it ... or something similar that works with your personality.

But I digress ... what was my point ... pet peeve ... nagging by random strangers to marry ... breed ... right.  This.

I was clever enough to know getting married would only amp up the "when are you having a baby" chatter.  However, I wasn't prepared for the "when are you having another" grilling.  Or to have my answer of "we're very happy with just the one and are stopping there" to be met with all the reasons to proceed immediately with baby number two.  A few of the more common:

• The "spare child" argument (or "back up baby in case M dies)
• The "he needs a playmate" argument
• The "only children are spoiled" argument
• The "two are no more work than one" argument
• The "pregnancy is easier the second time" argument
• The "he'll be all alone when you die" argument

None of these sway(ed) me.  A couple of them horrify me (seriously, how can anyone think having a second child could make losing the first one anything less than devastatingly heartbreaking?).

I often feel overwhelmed by how much I love M.  He's amazing and wonderful and magical.  B and I believe we are blessed.  But one and done, seriously.  I'm changing my "never say never" tune.

So, if you're wondering, before you ask, just know, never.